


vld did a smonCC™

by latte_underco



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Flirting, Lots of Klance - Freeform, Many - Freeform, Memes, SO, Shipping, Swearing, allura is big space mom™, coran is my ginger prince, honestly just pure crack, i used bitch alot, mega sass, pidge is a creepy ho, reader is named for convenience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 06:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latte_underco/pseuds/latte_underco
Summary: a texting crack fic for self indulgent purposes that i though i'd share,, hope y'all have a good h0nk





	vld did a smonCC™

allura created ‘Paladins’

allura added lance, keith, pidge, hunk, shiro, coran, and lottie

allura: Hello, Paladins! I figured out how to make Group chats, so I thought it would be helpful to have one for long range missions and, simply, convenience!

lance entered the chat

lance: SICKASS

pidge entered the chat

pidge: oh no

lance changed name to ‘sharpshooter’

hunk entered the chat

hunk: forgive him, the poor boye needs validation

sharpshooter changed ‘hunk’ to ‘sweetboye’

sweetboye: ^^

pidge: o nO here he gO

sweetboye: leave him, hes having fun

pidge: nahh this bitch gonna mess shit up just watch

sharpshooter changed ‘pidge’ to ‘gremlinbinch’

gremlinbinch: kys

allura: What does that mean?

gremlinbinch: kinky yellow snow

allura: ??

sharpshooter changed ‘allura’ to ‘prinbess’

prinbess: What is a prinbess ???

sharpshooter: smh this bitch aint woke

shiro entered the chat

gremlinbinch: e s c a p e w h i l e y o u c a n

shiro: what?

sharpshooter changed ‘shiro’ to ‘shirios’

gremlinbinch: allura why can lance change the names but no one else???

prinbess: I do not know, I’m not yet used to this technology...

gremlinbinch: for the love of god figure it out

shirios: hang on, why is everyone else’s name accurate? how am i a cereal??

sharpshooter: crun chy

shirios: what

sweetboye: i’m surprised lottie hasn’t been all over this yet

gremlinbinch: wait where even is she

gremlinbinch: d i d t h e b i t c h d i e

shirios: better not have

sharpshooter: wait where tf is keith

gremlinbinch: A F F A I R

shirios: ...

sharpshooter: ...

sweetboye: one could also argue,,, coran is missing

shirios: OH NO

sharpshooter: DESGOSTANG

coran entered the chat

coran: Hello, All!

shirios: well that’s reassuring

sharpshooter changed ‘coran’ to ‘my ginger prince’

my ginger prince: Did I Miss Something? 

shirios: nothing to worry about, coran

pribness: Coran, can you please help me out with this technology? I’m struggling to adjust the settings...

my ginger prince: Of Course, Allura! I’ll Be Right There!

sharpshooter: coran why do you capitalise every letter

my ginger prince: Because Every Word Is Of Equal Importance! Just Like You Paladins!

gremlinbinch: i speak for the meme queen and the meme queen says bitch you forgot me

my ginger prince: Oh, And Our Talented Scientist... Lottie! Wherever She Is...

lottie entered the chat

gremlinbinch: S p E a K o F t H e D e V i L

lottie: begone ye thot

gremlinbinch: oye i just defended yo ass

sharpshooter changed ‘lottie’ to ‘steamy meme queen’

steamy meme queen: this bitch,,,,

sharpshooter: hahahoho mWEHEHEHE

steamy meme queen: can i at least get an explanation up in this??

shirios: lance changed everyone’s names and allura doesn’t know how to change them back

steamy meme queen: gracias,,,

steamy meme queen: wait but lance aint even the admin tho??????

shirios: exactly

gremlinbinch: lottie u know where our stabby boi is cause l0ns misses him

sharpshooter: excuse

steamy meme queen: probs throwing knives somewhere

gremlinbinch: s’wot i thought but he isnt training??

steamy meme queen: how u kno tho 

gremlinbinch: new discovery...... i fit in the vents

steamy meme queen: U CREEPY HO GET OUT OF THE DAMN VENTS TF

gremlinbinch: he isn’t in his room either, i cheCCd

sweetboye: i worry, pidge

pribness: I think I saw him in the dining room earlier...

my ginger prince: Yes! He Was Eating By Himself! I Remember Now!

gremlinbinch: ill scope it out

shirios: pidge get out of the vents

gremlinbinch: ur not my real dad

gremlinbinch: hm okay he’s here and im above him and he dont know im here, whado i do

steamy meme queen: shout ur mom gay

sweetboye: s p i t

sharpshooter: y’all’re mean hoes

gremlinbinch: aw protective bf

sharpshooter: sHUT

shirios: pidge istg get out of the vents

gremlinbinch: succ an egg

gremlinbinch: okay i screamed ur family reunion a homosexual communion and he threw a knife at the ceiling that barely missed the vent bc he dropped his spoon in his food goo from freight and ive never felt more scared bc the biTCH IS TRYING TO CLIMB UP TO THE VENTS

sweetboye: go go power rangers....

shirios: i literally heard you scream that and i’m on the other side of the castle, you deserve to be stabbed

keith entered the chat

keith: CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY THE POSITIVE QUIZNACK I WAS BEING SPIED ON THROUGH A VENT BY A DAMN PIDGEON ASS CREEP ASS HOE ASS BITCH

sharpshooter: HA BITCH GOT SCARED

keith: LANCE I WILL SNAP YOUR NECK

sharpshooter: TRY ME BITCH

shirios: STOW IT, CADETS

gremlinbinch: u didnt shout back no u im so disappointed

sharpshooter changed ‘keith’ to ‘angery emo’

angery emo: why u hav to be a th0t

gremlinbinch: bEgOnEtHoT

my ginger prince: Good News! We Were Able To Fix The Settings On The Chat! Now Lance Is Not The Only One Who Can Change Names!

sharpshooter: nO

gremlinbinch: HA

shirios changed name to ‘shrio’

shrio: f u c k i spelt it wrong

shrio: wait why can’t i change it again

shrio: CAN YOU ONLY CHANGE IT ONCE

my ginger prince: Oh Yes, I Forgot To Mention That...

shrio: what is this shIT

gremlinbinch: calm your tits shrio

shrio: DONT CALL ME SHRIO

angery emo changed name to ‘massive penis’

steamy meme queen: oH

shrio: keith

sweetboye: POOR LANCE DIDNT NEED TO KNOW THAT QUITE YET, KEITH

massive penis: PODGE STOJE MY FUDGING PHOEN

gremlinbinch: H A H AA

gremlinbinch: WAITNO

gremlinbinch changed name to ‘pissdge’

pissdge: is that the best you can do

sharpshooter: poodge

pissdge: l-keithismyboyfriend-ance

sharpshooter: SHUT YO THREE FOOT ASS 

pissdge: N E I N Y E B I N C H

prinbess: Okay, aside from whatever the quiznack is going on, how many of you have completed your tasks for the day?

sharpshooter: ...

massive penis: lance is in trOUUUUUUUUUBLE

sharpshooter: die hoe

sharpshooter: i bet even you didnt train today

shrio: i can confirm that he did

sharpshooter: well you can go get succD too

shrio: how dare ???

shrio: i am your leader, you should respect me

sharpshooter: why tho

shrio: i am your G O D

sharpshooter: hm

shrio: incompetent casserole bINch

steamy meme queen: bigoof.png

pissdge: HECC

massive penis: bRUHUH

sweetboye: yoo ‘llura get up in here theres some e x t r e m e roasting going down

prinbess: I shouldn’t have made this chat, should I?

sharpshooter: nO THE CHAT STAYS

prinbess: Okay, okay. But if I find out that anyone is putting aside their training to goof around, there will be consequences.

sharpshooter: wOaH sTeP bAcK gUyS

shrio: lance stop being a s h i t

sharpshooter: go back to kerberos you stinky toe

shrio: ...

steamy meme queen: LANCE YOU DID NOT

gremlinbinch: FuJFSIInG TRIgHETTErED

sweetboye: VIETNAM FLASHBACKS

shrio: just gonna,,, go inhale some nunvil

shrio: does space have marajuana

steamy meme queen: shiro no,,,

my ginger prince: Actually, There Was An Experiment Held A Few Quintants Back That Confirmed That A Certain Race-Bound Substance Contained The Same Properties As The Human Drug You All Know As ‘Marajuana’. Unfortunately, That Substance Is Only Habitant To The Planet ‘Twiqlezthigxcho’, Which Sits Approximately 74 Quadrillion Light Years From Our Current Solar System And Position

gremlinbinch: ...

shrio: CAN WE FUCKING G O

sharpshooter: ...did anyone else just have a stroke trying to pronounce that planet

sweetboye: holdshandup.gif

gremlinbinch: hold shandup

sweetboye: end yourself

sharpshooter: hunk you have now been r3v0k3d of your screen name

sweetboye: couldntcareless™

sweetboye: ill do it myself

sweetboye changed name to ‘h0nk’

shrio: well

h0nk: he made me do it, dad

shrio: pls don’t call me dad

h0nk: but ur my dad

shrio: i’m not your dad

shrio: that’s weird

h0nk: :(

sharpshooter: so,, if cinnamon bun over here isnt shiros precious child, who is??

gremlinbinch: loTTIE

sharpshooter: YES HOW COULD I FORGET

steamy meme queen: wait wh

steamy meme queen: ...

steamy meme queen: lance i see you peaking around the corner,,,

steamy meme queen: wtf stop doing that

steamy meme queen: creepy bih

steamy meme queen: laNCE

steamy meme queen: dhcbdjsvh

steamy meme queen: cfjeherilvqelrjwkfbvjriergthyju

shrio: ???

massive penis: i think lance just jumped your girlfriend

gremlinbinch: ***keith’s bf attaCCd shiro’s gf

massive penis: ever heard of uhhhh 

massive penis: perishing

steamy meme queen changed name to ‘shrioslut’

shrioslut: absolute fucing cOMA

shrio: it’s not even tasteful

shrioslut: ik????

shrioslut: you would have thought that lance, the put together, decently dressed sharpshooter, lance mcfegginglain,, would have even just an ounce of class,,,

shrio: not surprised tbh

shrioslut: mhm

shrio: mhm

shrioslut: mhm

shrio: mhm

shrioslut: ............they all left

shrio: ,,,,,,,,

shrio: loss of faith is imminent 

shrioslut: it is already upon thee

prinbess: GO AND TRAIN. NOW.

shrio: death to thee

shrioslut: delete yoruslefl

prinbess: I will throw you into the abyss if you do not go kick some simulator butt in the next five ticks.

shrio: huff.png

shrioslut: *is gonn*

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it out alive, well done. than k for reading this garbAge <333


End file.
